Divorced While Still Virgin: Is `Iddah Required?

Divorced While Still Virgin: Is `Iddah Required?

By IslamOnline.net, Reprinted from "Ask the Scholar"

Date: 26/Mar/2008

Name of Mufti: Ahmad Kutty

Topic: Divorce, 'Iddah, Waiting Period After Divorce

Name of Questioner: Nada from Australia

Question: Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum. I got married, and before the wedding ceremony, I slept with my husband, but I am still virgin, and it was more than once, but he was careful that I keep my virginity before the ceremony. We fought, and he divorced me. He went away to get married from his country. Do I need to wait for three months before I can get married again (knowing that I am still virgin)? And in case he comes back, how should we get together again? Thank you.

Answer:

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Sister, first of all, we'd like to thank you for your keenness to acquire religious knowledge, and we ask Almighty Allah to bless you and grant you happiness in this worldly life and in the hereafter.

As for your question, we'd like to clarify that intimate relations necessitate observing the `iddah (waiting period) after divorce. The absence of vaginal intercourse does not mean that you are not required to observe `iddah.

In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Canada, stated,

As you and your ex-husband have lived together as husband and wife, in the event of divorce, you are obligated to undergo the prescribed waiting period of three months or three menstrual cycles.

The fact that you did not have vaginal intercourse does not mean that you are free from this requirement. The simple fact that you have had intimate relations is a sufficient ground for observing the `iddah.

Therefore, I advise you to wait for the period of `iddah to expire before considering another proposal of marriage. If your ex-husband arrives after the `iddah has expired, then you are not considered being married to him; however, if he arrives before the `iddah expires, then he is entitled to take you back, because the divorce is revocable in this case. This can ideally be done by stating, in the presence of two witnesses, that he is taking you back as wife. In case of expiry of `iddah, he needs to remarry you, if both of you wish to get together again.

Islamic Ruling on Sex Change (Gender Change)

Islamic Ruling on Sex Change (Gender Change)

By IslamOnline.net, Reprinted from their Fatwa Bank

Date: 10/Sep/2002

Name of Mufti: Group of Muftis

Topic: 'Iddah, the Waiting Period After Divorce in Islam

Name of Questioner: Nur

Question: Dear scholars, As-Salaam `Alaykum. My purpose of writing to you is to seek clarification pertaining to the Islamic point of view with regards to the sex change operation for male transsexuals (not hermaphrodites). These group of people have complete male physical attributes but feel completely female inside. In short, a female trapped in a male's body. In Islam, is sex change allowed for this group of people? If it is allowed, I would appreciate very much if you could provide relevant excerpts from the Qur'an or Hadith. Jazakum Allah khayran.


Answer:

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear sister in Islam, we would like to thank you for showing keenness on learning the teachings of Islam, and we appreciate the great confidence you have in us. We hope our efforts meet your expectations, yet we apologize for the late reply.

Allah has created both sexes: males and females, and they are both highly respected in Islam, the religion that strictly abolishes gender discrimination. In Islam, man and woman are equals in the sight of Allah. Therefore, there is no justifiable reason for what called sex change operations.

With regard to your question, Sheikh Muhammad Iqbal Nadvi, Imam of Calgary Mosque, Canada, and Former Professor at King Saud Univ., Saudi Arabia, answers:

Let me first establish some related fundamentals, so it will be easy to understand the Islamic ruling regarding to above-mentioned situation.
1. Two Genders

Almighty Allah created humans in two genders, male and female. This is has been stated in many verses:

"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women." (An-Nisaa':1)

"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female." (Al-Hujurat: 13)

"And that He createth the two spouses, the male and the female." (An-Najm: 45)

Also refer to Surat Al-Layl: 3, and Ash-Shura: 49. Allah the Almighty also says in Surat Al `Imran, verse 36, that "the male is not as the female."

And in Surat Al-Layl He says: "Lo! your effort is dispersed (toward diverse ends)."

2. Fitra

Allah, the Almighty, also said that He created every human being with Fitra (nature) that suits him or her. Since Fitra is an inbuilt system designed to suit every creation, the Fitra of a male is different from the Fitra of a female.

3. Changing the Creation

Allah, Exalted be He, also made it clear to us that when the Shaitan (Satan) challenged to deviate humans he said he would cause them to change the creation of Allah, the Almighty. Allah says: "And surely I will command them and they will change Allah's creation." (An-Nisa': 119)

4. Hermaphrodites Are An Exeption

Every rule has an exception, so the hermaphrodite gender is an exception, and as it indicates, it is not a standard, but only a sign of Allah's Power of creation, for a wisdom He knows better.

5. Imitating the Opposite Gender is Haram

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, has invoked the curse of Allah, the Almighty, upon "a male who imitates a female or vice versa." This Hadith is about the matters of dress and fashion, but it also explains the importance of gender in Islam. So, if an imitation in outward appearance is counted as a sin, then by Qiyas (analogy), a total change in gender will be even more sinful act.

6. Do Not Covet or Envy

Allah, Glorified be He, says: "And covet not the thing in which Allah hath made some of you excel others. Unto men a fortune from that which they have earned, and unto women a fortune from that which they have earned. (Envy not one another) but ask Allah of His bounty. Lo! Allah is ever Knower of all things." (An-Nisa': 32)

This means that Allah, the Almighty, created each of us in one gender, in one shape, while he or she likes another gender, but as a Muslim and believer he or she has to accept the destiny of Allah.

*****

In the light of the above-mentioned basic facts, I would conclude by saying that it is not allowed in Islam to change the gender, and doing so will be changing of Allah's creation.

The only exception to this ruling is related to a person who has both genders potential in body, so a medical treatment can be sought to unify one gender. In this case it will be a correction, and not a change in the creation of Allah, the Almighty. This issue has been previously discussed by our earlier Fuqahaa' (jurists) and the same ruling has been given.

In shedding more light on the prohibition of sex change (save the medical necessities mentioned above), Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Islamic lecturer and author states:

"It is not permissible for a person to have gender operation; from male to female or vice versa. Every Muslim has to be content with what Allah has decreed for him/her, for He has placed him in a suitable position. He/she does not know what is good for him/her; (being a male) perhaps if he was created female, that would not be good for him, or (being a female) if she was created male, that would be bad for her. By the same token, there are some people for whom nothing but poverty is good, and if Allah made such a person rich it would be harmful for him; and there are others for whom nothing but richness is appropriate, and if they became poor that would be harmful to them.

Some women wished they had been created men so they could fight in the way of Allah. This was just wishful thinking, but Allah revealed the prohibition of that wishful thinking in the ayah (Qur'anic verse):

"And wish not for the things in which Allah has made some of you to excel others. For men there is reward for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women there is reward for what they have earned." (An-Nisa':32)

If mere wishful thinking is forbidden, then how about taking action upon such thinking? If a Muslim is forbidden to change the creation of Allah in minor cases, so how about changing sex altogether?

Sheikh `Abd Al-Karim Al-Khudayr states:
Changing one's sex is a kind of tampering with the creation of Allah and following the way of the Shaitan (Satan) who vowed that he would misguide the sons of Adam in this way and in others, as clarified in the verse: "And surely I will command them and they will change Allah's creation." (An-Nisa': 119) We pray to Allah to keep us safe and sound." Do keep in touch. If you have any other question, don't hesitate to write to us.

Is Family Planning Allowed in Islam?

Is Family Planning Allowed in Islam?

By Sheikh Jamaal al-Din Zarabozo

The question of family planning and birth control was discussed in detail by the Majma al-Fiqh al-Islaami. They had twenty three scholars research this topic and present their findings on this matter. The participants involved represented many different trends and schools of thought. Among the participants were Muhammad Ali al-Baar, Ali al-Saaloos, Muhammad Saeed Ramadhan al-Booti, Abdullah al-Basaam, Hasan Hathoot and Muhammad Sayid Tantaawi. Their proceedings, papers and discussions may be found in Part One of the Fifth Volume of Majallah Majma al-Fiqh al-Islaami (1988/1409 A.H.). These proceedings are 748 pages all about the question of birth control and related issues.

The following are important points related to the issue of birth control in Islam. These were mentioned by some of the participants in the above program:

The institution of marriage and the want to have children was the custom of the best of creation, the prophets and messengers chosen by Allah. Allah says about them

"And indeed We sent messengers before you and made for them wives and offspring"
(al-Raad 38)

The best example for the believers is the example of the prophet Muhammad (saw), who married and had children. These prophets and messengers are the people whom Muslims should look to emulate. Allah says

"They are those whom Allah has guided. So follow their guidance" (al-Anaam 90)

They should be emulated and not the disbelievers of the West, whose new lifestyles - mostly out of concern for enjoying this life or obtaining as many worldly goods as possible - discourage women from having more children.

Islam has forbidden celibacy, monasticism and castration for such purposes. The prophet (saw) made this clear when he told those companions who were considering acetic forms of life: "I pray and I sleep; I fast and I break my fast; and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my way of life is not from me."

The prophet (saw) not only encouraged marriage but he encouraged marrying those women who are child-bearing. He stated: "marry the loving, child-bearing women for I shall have the largest numbers among the prophets on the day of Resurrection."(Recorded by Ahmad and ibn Hibban.)

From the Islamic perspective, children are a gift and a blessing from Allah. Allah mentions some of the bounties that He has bestowed upon mankind in the following verse: "And Allah has made for you spouses of your own kind and has made for you, from your wives, sons and grandsons, and has bestowed upon you good provisions." (al-Nahl 72)

Allah also said: "Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world." (al-Kahf 46)

The only true provider for all mankind is Allah. If Muslims follow what Allah has prescribed for them, Allah will provide for them. Allah has warned about killing one's children out of fear of poverty for either parents or the child. Allah says: "Kill not your children because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for them" (al-Anaam 151)

Allah also says: "And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin" (al-Isra 31)

Hence, Muslims should never abort or kill their children out of fear of poverty. It is Allah who provides for them.

Based on the above points and numerous others, the scholars who participated in the research on this question came up with the following resolution:

* It is not allowed to enact a general law that limits the freedom of spouses in having children.
* It is forbidden to "permanently" end a man's or a woman's ability to produce children, such as by having a hysterectomy or vasectomy, as long as that is not called for by circumstances of necessity according to its Islamic framework.
* It is permissible to control the timing of births with the intent of distancing the occurrences of pregnancy or to delay it for a specific amount of time, if there is some Shariah need for that in the opinion of the spouses, based on mutual consultation and agreement between them. However, this is conditioned by that not leading to any harm, by it being done by means that are approved in the Shariah and that it not do anything to oppose a current and existing pregnancy.

What Does Islam Say About Homosexuality?

What Does Islam Say About Homosexuality?

Taken from the book titled 'Common Questions People Ask About Islam' by Shabir Ally



Islam teaches that homosexual acts are sinful and punishable by God. This teaching comes not from human beings, but from the Creator of all humans. God tells us in His own words how He punished the people of Lot for their homosexual behaviour.

The story of prophet Lot, on whom be peace, finds mention in several Qur'anic passages, especially Chapter 26:160-175 which reads:

"The people of Lut rejected the apostles. Behold, their brother Lut said to them: "Will ye not fear (God)? "I am to you an apostle worthy of all trust. "So fear God and obey me. "No reward do I ask of you for it: my reward is only from the lord of the Worlds. "Of all the creatures in the world, will ye approach males, "And leave those whom God has created for you to be your mates? Nay, ye are a people transgressing (all limits)!" They said: "If thou desist not, O Lut! thou wilt assuredly be cast out!" He said: "I do detest your doings." "O my Lord! deliver me and my family from such things as they do!" So We delivered him and his family,- all Except an old woman who lingered behind. But the rest We destroyed utterly. We rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): and evil was the shower on those who were admonished (but heeded not)! Verily in this is a Sign: but most of them do not believe. And verily thy Lord is He, the Exalted in Might Most Merciful."

From these passages we learn that God saved Lot and the righteous ones of his family, and rained on the rest a shower of brimstone, so they were utterly destroyed. This is mentioned in the Qur'an not only for the sake of information, but mainly to serve as a warning to anyone who dares to repeat such acts.

Muslim believe that every human action leads to consequences. Good actions entail good results, and evil actions entail evil consequences. Some of these consequences may not become known for many years after a certain action. The consequences of some actions will become manifest only after death when one enters a new, everlasting life.... A common mistake among humans is that if they don't see any negative consequences for their actions they consider it harmless. Human experience has taught us that a source of superior knowledge can be of tremendous benefit to humans.... God, the source of all knowledge, warns us of His punishment if people perpetrate homosexual acts. Let us pay attention and learn the easy way.

Some will say that a person may be born with homosexual tendencies. We say that everyone is a free agent. God lays before us two paths and has given us knowledge of where these paths lead. One is the path to which the devil call us. We must avoid that. One is the path leading to paradise. We must stick to that one. Everyone experiences evil prompting from time to time. We must resist those with all our might. If one feels a tendency to do something that God prohibits, he or she should seek help from a community of loving, caring, believers who would understand his or her difficulty and help him or her overcome it.

A common ploy of the devil is to convince people that they cannot avoid sin. Then they do not even try. But God promises that the devil can have no lasting power over those who sincerely seek God (see Qur'an 15:42)

Finally, our bodies are given to us in trust from God. One should not use his or her body contrary to the user guide provided by its Maker. Consenting adults also need

Homosexuality

Homosexuality

By Dr. Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips



Homosexuality and lesbianism have been dubbed “alternative life-styles,” “personal preference,” “a natural variation,” etc. in the West today. Where homosexuality was considered an illness by the Association of Psychiatrists, it is now removed from the list and replaced by homophobia (the dislike of homosexuals and homosexuality). Consequently, Islam and Muslims are considered intolerant and biased due to their continued opposition. Arguments in favor of tolerance to homosexuals are based on the assumption that homosexual behavior is biologically based and not merely learned from society.

1. Early opposition to homosexuality was based on the argument that such behavior was unnatural. Sodomy cannot produce children which is one of the main natural consequences of sexual relations. “Mother Nature” did not make us that way, it was argued. To counter such arguments homosexual researchers scoured the earth until they found supposed homosexual behavior among the animal kingdom. They found that the males of some species of exotic fishes off the coast of Japan imitated the behavior of females of the species in order to prevent other males from impregnating their mates, and some rare butterflies from islands of the coast of Africa also had males exhibiting female behavior during mating season, etc. However, if the animal kingdom is to be used to justify human behavior, there also exists a spider in South America, whose female is much larger than the male. When mating is complete, the female eats her mate.

2. During the 80’s it was claimed that a gland in the base of the brain which is small in women and large in men was found to be small among homosexuals. However, this evidence, while seeming incontrovertible to the layman, was immediately refuted by scientists. The data was taken from cross-sections of the brains of dead adult humans whose sexual preference was identified prior to death. Consequently, the reduced size among homosexuals could have been a result of the practice and not its cause. That is, they could have been born with normal sized glands which then became small due to their deviant lifestyle.

3. Recently genetics has become the most commonly used foundation for the pro-gay argument. In 1993 Dr. Dean Hamer, a researcher at the National Cancer Institute, claimed to have discovered “the first concrete evidence that ‘gay genes’ really do exist.” Homosexual orientation was supposedly transmitted to males on the X chromosome from the mother. Hamer’s findings, published in the prestigious journal Science, transformed his colorless career as a government scientist into a dynamic media personality and penned his memoirs. He gave expert testimony to the Colorado Supreme Court that formed the basis of the victorious decision striking down anti-gay Proposition 2. However, a replication of his study at the University of Western Ontario failed to find any linkage whatsoever between the X chromosome and sexual orientation. It was also found that Hamer’s study lacked a control group; a fundamental principle of scientific research. Furthermore, in June 1994, the Chicago Tribune reported that a junior researcher in Hamer’s laboratory who assisted in the gene mapping in the homosexuality study, alleged that he selectively reported his data. She was then summarily dismissed from her post-doctoral fellowship in Hamer’s lab. But a National Institutes of Health investigation substantiated her claims and gave her another position in a different lab. Though Dr. Hamer was coy about his own sexuality in his memoirs, he later admitted in his lectures that the was gay.

4. It should be noted that Islam, in its final form, did not introduce anti-gay legislature to the world. The texts of the Torah are replete with clear condemnation of such practices.

5. The consequence of AIDS is enough to prove that homosexuality is evil and dangerous to society. The early spread of AIDS was concentrated among the homosexual community. It later spread to the heterosexual community through blood transfusions and intravenous drug usage and so-called bisexuals. And continues on a rampage among promiscuous heterosexuals.

6. Islam considers homosexuality to be the result of a choice. It is inconceivable that God made people homosexuals then declared it a crime and prescribed punishments for it in both this life and the next. To accept such a proposition is to accept that God is unjust. Inclinations can exist within humans for a variety of natural and unnatural acts, from fornication to rape and from necrophilia to bestiality. These inclinations may come from jinn-suggestions, media influence, or even from human whisperings or direct contact. Human beings are not like robots who only do what they are programmed to do. Humans choose and God holds them responsible for their choices. Were homosexuality a product of genetic destiny, it would be unfair for God to criminalize it and punish those who practice it. Currently, some scientists are even claiming that murder is of genetic origin. To accept that would mean to excuse murderers and tolerate murder.

7. Islam instructs parents to separate their children in their beds by the age of ten in order to avoid sexual experiences which may result from childhood experimentation. Such experiences may be reinforced by contacts in schools and through abuse from adults. Also the distinctions between male and female are strongly made in Islamic teachings. The Prophet cursed men who imitated women and women who imitated men. The Western fashion industry is controlled by homosexuals who attempt to blur the distinction between males and females in order to make their behavior more acceptable. Consequently, men’s fashion has become more feminine in style and color and women are now wearing three-piece suits, ties and hats and traditionally men’s shoes. These distinctions may be relative and vary from society to society. For example, in Scotland men traditionally wear little knee-length dresses called “kilts”. In Scotland it would not be considered imitation of females, but in a society where only women wear such dress it would be considered imitation.

Defining Pornography

Defining Pornography

Author: a young Muslim
Reprinted from Young Muslims, ymonline.org, edited slightly by Zawaj.com for readability

Have you ever notice the magazines staring at you from one side of the checkout lane of every supermarket? I have. So one day I decided to take action. I turned the first magazine in every row to its backside. Not surprisingly, when I returned the next day they were turned back. Why did I turn them over? Because they were pornographic. Why were they turned back? Because they sell.

Perhaps most Muslims think that pornography is only that uncensored filth that is accessible through XXX movies and certain Internet sites, but in fact, by Islamic standards, much of what is considered normal in American advertising is actually pornographic. The purpose of flailing these seductive images is to arouse the lower desires of people and to weaken their self-restrain and taint their thoughts. It bombards the Muslim, especially the youth, with indecent and suggestively seductive images. Unfortunately, most Muslims are so oblivious of the presence and influence of these Shaytanic (Satanic) images, that they regularly view them through various types of media.

Defining Pornography

Pornography is defined in the English language as an indecent form of art or literature. Islam also views it as indecent and terms it as faahisha in the Quran.

Allah says (what means):

"Say: The things that my Lord has indeed forbidden are: shameful deeds whether open or secret…"

Faahishah is translated as "shameful deeds" because it refers to every bad deed that is noticeably ugly to human beings. In many places in the Quran, Allah (swt) refers to zinaa, adultery and fornication as a faahishah. In another verse, Allah (swt) refers to the marrying of one's father's wife also as being a faahishah because, like adultery, anyone with a pure nature will clearly see it as hideous. Allah (swt) also calls the crime of the people of Lut (as), homosexuality, a faahishah. Likewise to view pictures of nudity, sexual suggestion, intimacy between two people, or a person of the opposite gender who is improperly covered (Islamically) is also an ugly sin to anyone who wishes to adhere to piety.

Television

One of the most pervasive tools of pornography is the television. Shows like "Dawson's Creek" and "Baywatch" have no other purpose except to display blatant degrees of nakedness and indecent scenes of intimacy. Movies also succeed in conveying lewd imagery by almost always including a love/lust story in the story line. However there are other forms of pornography on TV that are much more subtle. For example, most Muslims would not realize that the viewing of several sports events includes pornographic images. The swimsuits that are worn by both men and woman during the Olympics are iniquitously revealing. They expose the 'awrah of a woman and a man for their respective genders and the opposite gender.

The word 'awrah refers to those parts of the body which are Islamically prohibited to expose in front of another (either the opposite gender or the same gender). For example, it is a must for a woman to cover all of her body except for her face and hands in front of men who are permissible for her to marry - that is her 'awrah. Likewise the man's 'awrah is everything between his navel and knees while in front of a woman or a man. The skimpy swimsuits worn by these athletes just don't meet the Islamic dress code.

Underwear Ads

Another subtle example regards women who view advertisements that contain pictures of other women modeling bras and underwear. The 'awrah of Muslim women in front of other Muslim women doesn't allow these areas of the body to be exposed and hence it is haram for even a woman to view them.

It is also important to keep in mind that a person could be "clothed but naked" as Rasoolullah (saws) said. For example, competitors in races usually wear some sort of bodysuit that adheres very tightly to their skin and the exact shape of their body parts is apparent. This is almost equivalent to being naked, since it doesn't take much imagination to figure out what is under such type of clothing.

Lowering the Gaze

When such images become prevalent in a society, what is deemed pornographic changes drastically. The very standard of modesty, which should be a defining characteristic of Muslim dress and behavior, will become degraded. The Islamic standard must be upheld. The true believer fears Allah's judgement and knows that no act will go unaccounted for and that even his own eyes will bear witness against him on the Day of Judgement. Allah (swt) says: "Until, when they reach it (Hell-Fire) their hearing and eyes and skin will testify against them as to what they used to do." Rasoolullah (saws) warned us that there is a zinaa of the eyes just as there is a zinaa of the private parts.

The Islamic solution to living in a society where pornographic images are so visible is to lower one's gaze.

Allah (swt) says:

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well aquainted with all they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof… "

The scholars of tafseer say that this means that both men and woman are obliged to direct their sight away from that which is haram and that there is no harm in looking at that which is halal (such as viewing one's spouse while they are uncovered).

In regard to these verses Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) says:

"So He (Allah) put purity after lowering of the gaze and protecting of the private parts. For this reason lowering the gaze away from the prohibited things warrants three great benefits. The first of them is the sweetness of Imaan and the pleasure that comes from it, which is more sweet and pleasing than that which he diverted his eyes away from for Allah's sake. Verily, whoever abandons a thing for Allah's sake, He (swt) compensates him with better than it…The second benefit is a light in the heart and quality of intuition… and the third benefit is the strength of the heart and steadfastness and courage. So Allah (swt) would give him, by His strength, the ability of wisdom and substantiation, and the devil would flee from him as it has been mentioned in the saying, "Whoever fears his whims, the devil would race out of his shadow."

Indeed, the opposite is also true. This is because the eyes are the most direct path to the heart. One who allows his whims to overwhelm him and indulges his eyes in the viewing of haram things has weakened his heart, corrupted his soul, and invited shaytan to control him.

Masturbation: Comments by the Sahaabah

Masturbation: Comments by the Sahaabah

The following article is reprinted from the Renaissance Islamic Journal, http://www.renaissance.com.pk/


Question: How is the act of masturbation seen in Islam. Is it a sin? If it is, then what is the punishment for it?

Answer: There is no explicit directive of the Shari`ah which forbids masturbation. In other words, it is silent on this issue. Consequently, it cannot be regarded as a sin. The verses from which its prohibition is usually derived, I am afraid, have another meaning (than that commonly ascribed).

The opinions of some of the companions of the Prophet (saws) reproduced below from Ibn Hazam’s al-Muhalla (Vol:11, pp. 393-4) indicate that (while they may have discouraged it) they did not forbid it:

Ibn 'Abbaas:

* "Marrying a slave girl is better than it, and it is better than fornication (zinaa)."
* "It is nothing but rubbing one’s private parts until a fluid comes out."

Ibn `Umar:

* "A person who does makes a fool of himself."
* "It is merely rubbing an organ."

Jaabir Ibn Zayd:

* "It is your water; you can discharge it [if you want]."

Hasan Basri:

* "There is no harm in it."

At best, masturbation can be termed as an undesirable act similar in nature to the emotions of anger and hate. Such emotions are generally against good conduct, and a person should try to control them as much as possible. However, there may be situations when they may play a somewhat positive role -- especially when they save you from a sin.

Masturbation:

Masturbation: Answer from Islam Online and Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi
Answer from Islam Online's Fatwa Bank at Islam-Online.net


Title of Fatwa: Masturbation
Date of Reply: 14/ December/ 1999
Question of Fatwa: What is the point of view of Islam on the masturbation?

Content of Reply:

The pressing need to relieve himself of sexual tension may drive a young man to masturbation.

The majority of scholars consider it haram. Imam Malik bases his judgement on the verse, Those who guard their sexual organs except with their spouses or those whom their right hands possess, for (with regard to them) they are without blame. But those who crave something beyond that are transgressors, (23:5-7) arguing that the masturbator is one of those who "crave something beyond that."

On the other hand, it is reported that Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal regarded semen as an excretion of the body like other excrete and permitted its expulsion as blood letting is permitted. Ibn Hazm holds the same view. However, the Hanbali jurists permit masturbation only under two conditions: first, the fear of committing fornication or adultery, and second, not having the means to marry.

Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi comments in The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam:

We are inclined to accept the opinion of Imam Ahmad in a situation in which there is sexual excitation and danger of committing the haram. For example, a young man has gone abroad to study or work, thereby encountering many temptations which he fears he will be unable to resist, may resort to this method of relieving sexual tension provided he does not do it excessively or make it into a habit.

Yet better than this is the Prophet's advice to the Muslim youth who is unable to marry, namely, that he seek help through frequent fasting, for fasting nurtures will-power, teaches control of desires, and strengthens the fear of Allah. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said, "O youth, whoever of you is able to marry, let him marry, for it spares one looking at what one should not, or lapsing in adultery. And if he cannot marry, let him observe fasting, for it is a shield against evil." (Reported by Muslim).

You should make use of the following:

1. Observe fasting, because it bolsters one's faith, preserves chastity, and protects one from evil thoughts.
2. Observe moderation in eating and drinking in order to avoid stimulating your desire.
3. Keep away from anything that is sexually stimulating, such as pornographic pictures, erotic films and love songs.
4. Choose good and righteous friends.
5. Keep yourself busy in worship and spiritual acts.
6. Interact with activities of the society in such away that it keeps you away from thinking about sex.
7. Avoid gatherings and places that bring men and women physically close to each other.
8. Avoid sleeping on beds that are so soft that they make one think about sex.
9. Try to admire natural things such as flowers and beautiful scenery, which do not stimulate one sexually, instead of admiring girls and women.
10. If you find the previous things useful, then it is forbidden for you to masturbate. However, if you find that you cannot relieve yourself except through masturbation, and you fear you may lapse in adultry if you do not masturbate, then the juristic rule which states that "the lesser evil is to be suffered in order to fend off the major one" applies to you, as masturbation is deemed to be the lesser of two evils in this case.But, we would like to stress that this may be done only in the case of dire necessity, when all soultions prove to be of no avail.

May Allah guide you to the right path and help you keep away from sins.

Allah Almighty knows best.

Answer to a Question About Oral Sex

Answer to a Question About Oral Sex

By Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqui, President: Islamic Society of North America (ISNA)
Monday, Oct 9, 2000


QUESTION:

Salaam Oualikoum

Is oral sex with your legal wife, of course, allowed in the Islam.

Abdellah, Netherlands


ANSWER:

Wa Alaikum Salaam,

There is no clear prohibition about oral sex in the Qur'an or the sunnah of the Prophet (SAAWS). However, according to many jurists, the fluids that the male of female organs emit during the time of sexual excitement, such as many (sperm) or madhi; etc., are all considered negis and they should not touch the mouth of the man or the woman. It is for this reason that many scholars do not recommend this practice and consider it makrooh.

Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqui

Sex in Islam: Its Role and Purpose

Sex in Islam: Its Role and Purpose

By Syed Mumtaz Ali & Rabia Mills

Author's Note: We received an e-mail enquiry recently from a non-Muslim lady requesting information concerning the issue of sexual relations and menopause in Islam. We felt that her question warranted a more thorough approach, so we decided to publish a detailed answer.

Here is her original letter to us and our initial response to her. Please note her name and e-mail address have been withheld.


Her original letter to us:

I saw your posting on soc.religion.islam and hope you don't mind my writing you.

I've been trying to find information on how Islam, specifically the Qur'an, deals with the subject of sex. I am sure this may seem like a set-up of some sort but please let me assure you, it is not.

I'm on several menopause mailing lists, and the subject of sex and religion has come up. Some religions feel that sex should be only for procreation and not for enjoyment. With menopause putting an end to a woman's
fertility, those religions would appear to be saying that once a woman reaches menopause, she shouldn't be having sex.

I've been submerging myself in Islam newsgroups and books for the past month, and for the life of me, I can not find the reference that indicated that Islam dictates sexual relations only within marriage, and only for procreation.

Am I wrong? I'd appreciate any references that you might be able to provide. Please feel free to forward this message to anyone you feel may be able to help me. . . end of letter

Our initial e-mail response to her:

Thank you for your enquiry . . .

Briefly, here are some quick answers to your two questions:

1. Procreation is NOT the only purpose of marriage in Islam, because a secondary purpose is also companionship and enjoyment.

2. Menopause does NOT put an end to sexual relations in a Muslim marriage.

End of our initial e-mail response to her



This more detailed response now follows . . .
Sex in Islam - Its Role and Purpose

by Syed Mumtaz Ali & Rabia Mills

In the Islamic faith, the first and the foremost and the most reliable and highest form of religious law for faithful Muslims is contained within the holy Qur'an. The Prophetic Traditions (also known as Hadith, which are the sayings and doings and tacit approval of things said or done in the presence of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h.)(1) are a second source of law. With that said, we hope the following reply will answer your question.

According to Islam, procreation is not the sole and only purpose of marriage. While procreation is a primary purpose, companionship and enjoyment of the spouse along with avoidance of unlawful or sinful relationships are also secondary purposes. These secondary purposes play their own important roles in the Islamic teachings which govern sexual relations. In other words, although procreation is definitely an aim, it is not an exclusive aim. Procreation is the major purpose, but nonetheless enjoyment and other purposes also play significant roles in married life as evidenced by the Islamic teachings which relate to sexual relations.

Although the primary purpose of sex is procreation, the Qur'an does not forbid it when a woman reaches menopause. For example, in the Qur'an is the story is about the Prophet Zakariya a.s.(2) (Christian spelling -- Zakaria) [see Qur'an 19:1-15] who had fathered a child well into his old age. One verse in particular reads:

"He [Zakariya] said: "O my Lord! How shall I have a son, when my wife is barren and I have grown quite decrepit from old age?" [Qur'an 19:8]

"He said: "So (it will be): thy Lord saith, "That is easy for Me: I did indeed create thee before, when thou hadst been nothing!" [Qur'an 19:9]

The Qur'anic reference above, then, shows the case of a couple carrying on sexual relations well into old age. This in turn signifies that these relations are allowed within marriage and into old age for Muslim couples.

You will recall that this same story is found in the Old Testament with reference to Zakaria a.s. who was made to be mute for three days and nights as a sign from God.

In this connection, it is interesting to note that even in our relatively recent times, history has recorded the fact that the great Sufi Shaikh, Abdul Qadir Gilani r.a., was born on the 1st day of Ramadan 470 A.H [some historians say 471 A.H] which corresponds to March 18, 1078 A.D. His mother was 60 years of age at the time of his birth.

In terms of the Traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h. we can see another meaningful example of this in the life of the Prophet. The Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. married his first wife (Khadija aged 40) when he was 25 years old, and he remained monogamous throughout his entire 26 years of marriage to her. He then married A'isha at the age of 54, but this was three years after the death of Khadija. It was after this marriage that he then took other wives. By the way, many non-Muslim writers have directed a great deal of unjust criticism against him for this. In fact all of these women were quite old or were widows who had been left destitute and without protection during those troubled times. And so as the head of State at Medina, the only proper way (according to Arab code) in which Muhammad p.b.u.h. could extend both protection and maintenance to them was by marriage.(3) [see also Appendix A] Those marriages were not only consummated, but ancillary sexual relations have also been reported to us through the Hadith literature. Hence another proof that sexual relations are considered acceptable well into old age. "Polygamy was not always considered to be so reprehensible as it is now. For example, St. Augustine himself observed that there was no intrinsic immorality or sinfulness in it, and declared that polygamy was not a crime where it was the legal institution of a country."(4) This subject matter, however, is another topic altogether. [see also Appendix B]

We have reproduced an excerpt on our website by Dr. M.A. Rauf from his book 'Marriage in Islam'. In this excerpt, Dr. Rauf discusses in great detail the advantages and possible disadvantages of marriage. Among the advantages that he discusses are procreation, fulfilment of the natural urge, companionship, comfort and relief to the soul, and so on. He also discusses the disadvantages and the types of burdens and risks involved with marriage. All of the advantages or benefits are in effect meant to be regarded as the secondary purpose of marriage which supplement its major aim or purpose, namely procreation. We would highly recommend that you read this excerpt for a more complete understanding of our present response to you.

With regards to your question regarding menopause, we would also strongly suggest that you read the book "The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam" by Imam al-Ghazzali. (5) [see also Appendix C] We would particularly refer you to where al-Ghazzali explains the rationale and reasoning for the recommendation of marriage - even for the impotent. In his Conclusion, al-Ghazzali discusses the other purposes of marriage and that is to fulfil the natural sexual desires as well as to experience its joy and protection from the perils of lust.

If one cohabits with one's own wife -- not for carnal pleasure alone, but for performing the duty imposed by God -- it would be an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure and reward from God and this is as the Prophet p.b.u.h. has observed. This is what has been described as spiritualizing temporal duties. [see also Appendix D] You might also refer to where Imam al-Ghazzali discusses the subject of relaxation and recreation for the soul and so on.

Islam also prescribes certain rules of sexual etiquette. Imam al-Ghazzali also sets out the PropheticTraditions which deal with the pleasures of 'foreplay' and other similar enjoyments that are permitted when the wife is menstruating. Not permitted, however, is to go so far as to copulate by means of penetration into the vagina during menstruation.

Islam has declared fornication (which by definition in Islam includes adultery) unlawful, and it goes to great lengths to make it repugnant by sanction and deterrent. It has even gone so far as to make any alliances of this type of unlawful sexual relationship a heinous sin and an odious offence. In other words, sexual relations of any kind, that fall outside of lawful marriage, are absolutely forbidden. For example:

"Nor come nigh to adultery for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)." [Qur'an 17:32]

"The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication - flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of the Believers witness their punishment." [Qur'an 24:2]

"Those who bring the charge of adultery against chaste women but cannot produce four witnesses to prove the charge, give them 80 lashes and their testimony should never be believed." [Qur'an 24:4]

Four Prophetic Traditions [Hadith]:

1. "Said the Prophet: 'A grievously heinous sin in the estimation of God is to commit adultery with a woman living in one's neighbourhood'" [Bukhari & Muslim]

2. " He or she who casts a lewd glance at another and allows himself of herself to be attracted likewise, both meet the displeasure of God." [Dailami]

3. "There is nothing which God abhors more than adultery."

4. "Observed the Prophet: 'Whenever a calamity befalls a centre of population, take it for granted that immorality is rampant in that place.' [Dailami]

More Qur'anic quotes and Hadith:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Qur'an 30:21]

"And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous." [Qur'an 25:74]

"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when or how you will." [Qur'an 2:223]

Hadith: "Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas: Ibn Umar misunderstood (the Qur'anic verse, "So come to your tilth however you will") - may Allah forgive him. The fact is that this clan of the Ansar, who were idolaters, lived in the company of the Jews who were the people of the Book. They (the Ansar) accepted their superiority over themselves in respect of knowledge and the followed most of their actions. The people of the Book (i.e., the Jews) used to have intercourse with their women on one side alone (i.e., lying on their backs). This was the most concealing position for (the vagina of) the women. This clan of the Ansar adopted this practice from them. But this tribe of the Quraysh used to uncover their women completely, and seek pleasure with them from in front and behind and laying them on their backs.

When the muhajirun (the immigrants) came to Medina, a man married a woman of the Ansar. He began to do the same kind of action with her, but she disliked it, and said to him: We were approached on one side (i.e. lying on the back); do it so, otherwise keep away from me. The matter of theirs spread widely and it reached the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him).

So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur'anic verse: "Your wives are a tilth to you, so come to your tilth however you will," i.e., from in front, from behind or lying on the back. But this verse meant the place of the delivery of the child, i.e., the vagina." [from the Hadith literature: Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Number 2159]

"Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments." [Qur'an 2:187]

"It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her . . ." [Qur'an 7:189]

"And Allah has made for you mates (and companions) of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain things, and be ungrateful for Allah's favours?" [Qur'an 16:72]

Hadith: On the authority of Abu Dharr : Some of the companions of the messenger of Allah said :" O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off with the rewards, they pray as we pray they fast as we fast, and they give away in charity the superfluity of their wealth." He said:" Has not Allah made things for you to give away in charity ? Every tasbihah is a charity, every takbirah is a charity, every tahmidah is a charity, and every tahlilah is a charity, to enjoin a good action is a charity, to forbid an evil action is a charity, and in the sexual act of each of you there is a charity." They said: "O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will he have some reward for that?" He said: "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully he would be sinning ? Likewise, if he has acted upon it lawfully he will have a reward." [Muslim]
Appendix A

From "Life of Muhammad" by A.H. Hamid Siddiqui. Hilal Publications, Calcutta 1981. Pages 243-247.

Marriages of the Holy Prophet

"He was hardly twenty-five years of age when he married Khadijah, who was fifteen years older than himself. It was with her and her alone that he passed all the years of his youth and manhood until she died three years before Hijra, when he was already a man of fifty. After the sad demise of Khadijah, he again went in for a widow, this time a helpless one in great distress. She was one of the earliest converts to Islam who had suffered many hardships for the cause of Truth.

The Holy Prophet married A'ishah, the daughter of his devoted friend Abu Bakr. She was the only virgin wife of Muhammad (peace be upon him).

Events took a very serious turn in Medina. The enmity of the Quraysh resulted in armed battles in which so many of the noble Muslims fell as martyrs. It was, therefore, the bounden duty of the Holy Prophet and his companions to alleviate the sufferings of the widows and the orphans who had been deprived of their husbands and fathers. Muhammad (peace be upon him) undertook the major burden on himself and married Hafsa, daughter of 'Umar, whose husband had died in the battle of Badr. It was on this ground of clemency and compassion that the Holy Prophet married Zaynab, the daughter of Khuzaimah, who had been deprived of her husband in Uhud. Her parents were non-Muslims living in Mecca and after the martyrdom of her husband, there was none to take care of her. The next lady to enter the hospitable household of the Holy Prophet was Umm Salamah whose husband had received fatal injuries in the battle of Uhud and died leaving behind a pregnant widow and a daughter. The Prophet was moved by her pitiable condition and honoured her by taking her as his wife. The events relating to the marriage of Zaynab bint Jahsh have been discussed in great detail in the foregoing pages and it has been established that this marriage was governed by some important social considerations, i.e. to obliterate the customs of adoptive affinity and also to remove the false notion then prevalent in society that the divorce of a noble lady by a freed slave undermined her prestige.

Besides these widows of his faithful followers, whom it fell to his lot to take under his protection and share their sufferings and sorrows, the Holy Prophet also took three widows of his enemies in marriage. The entry of these three ladies, Juwayriyah, Maymuna and Safiyyah (may Allah be pleased with them) in the house of the Holy Prophet, became the means whereby relations with various tribes were cemented and this is how hostilities came to an end.

It is quite evident that the marriages of the Holy Prophet were governed mainly by the feeling of compassion for the widows of his faithful followers, who had no means to fall back upon after they were bereft of the love and care of their husbands. This fact has been acknowledged even by the critics of the Prophet. "It would be remembered, however," says Bosworth Smith, "that most of Muhammad's marriages may be explained, at least, as much by his pity for the forlorn condition of the persons concerned, as by other motives."

Other marriages were contacted from the motives of policy, in order to conciliate the heads of rival factions.

Then there was also one more consideration, in no way less important than those discussed earlier, which led to these marriages. Muhammad (peace be upon him) was the bearer of God's message not only for men, but also for women. The womenfolk needed the prophetic guidance, training and instruction in the same way as the males. The Holy Prophet was fully cognizant of the need of Muslim society. He had, therefore, in the best interest of the Ummah, endeavored to create a new leadership amongst women, which, like its counterpart amongst men could, by precept and example, help the formation of a new type of womanhood representing the teachings of Islam. How could this objective be achieved without first preparing the most perfect specimen of Muslim womanhood. The Holy Prophet allowed some women, belonging to different social groups, having different tastes and tendencies and different intellectual standards to enter his household as his wives and then by his close personal contact, nurture and train their God-given faculties so perfectly in accordance with the teachings of Islam that they could serve as pillars of light not only for the womenfolk of the Islamic commonwealth, but for the whole of womankind. One or two woman could not undertake this heavy responsibility. A whole group was required to meet this need.

Moreover, there is a good deal of difference in the nature of training essential for male and female. Man's life is dominated by social activities, whereas the natural sphere of woman's work is primarily her home. It is the wife alone who shares with the husband even the most secret affairs of life. The Holy Prophet could not prepare the specimen of Islamic womanhood unless he allowed some ladies to enter the innermost chambers of his domestic life. In view of the teachings of Islam, with regard to seclusion of sexes, only the noble wives of the Holy Prophet could be accommodated on this plane and mankind owes a deep debt of gratitude to these noble ladies that they communicated to us most faithfully, the sacred account of the Prophet's private life, which, like his public career, had so many facets and has been made a model pattern for the believers, both men and women. The injunction of the Qur'an: 'Verily in the Apostle of Allah, you have the best example' (33:2) covers not only one aspect of his sacred life, but his whole life . It was with a view to achieving this objective, i.e., the authentic transmission of the Prophet's home life to the people that a few noble ladies were made to enter his house as his wives.

The Qur'anic verse: 'It is not allowed to take wives after this, nor to change them for others (33:52) implies that the Holy Prophet, like all his other acts, contacted those marriages perfectly in accordance with the will of the Lord. There was a divine purpose behind them and when it was achieved, a restriction was place upon him.

That the Prophet married these ladies as a religious necessity can well be judged from the fact that he spent his youth in the company of one wife, Khadijah only. At the age of forty he was commissioned as a Prophet, and during the first twelve years of his prophethood, when he had only to instil in the minds of the people the fundamentals of faith, i.e., Oneness of God, apostlehood of Muhammad, life after death, he did not feel the necessity of marrying any other lady. After the death of Khadijah, he married Sawda, a widow of advanced age. But with the migration to Medina when Islamic society was established, the Muslims were required to conform their social and personal behaviour to the teachings of Islam, revelations for practical guidance in all walks of life came from Allah. These had to be explained by the life example of the holy Prophet. There was not one problem, but numerous problems concerning all phases of life that needed solving at every step. How the holy Prophet solved them must be made known to the people as it is also an integral part of the faith for 'he does not speak of his own desire' (Qur'an 53:3) It is God who speaks through him in whatever he utters by way of spiritual guidance or practical legislation. Now, whatever the Holy Prophet said or did in public could easily be conveyed to the other people for their guidance. But what about his private life which was equally important and divinely inspired and had to serve as an example for the Believers? It is through the noble wives of the holy Prophet that the Muslims learnt the teachings of Islam in their personal concerns. It was not an ordinary work, but an important task of vast magnitude which was admirably accomplished by these pious ladies. (Allah be pleased with them). How can these facts be justifiably ignored in the matter of Muhammad's marriages?

It is strange indeed that the western critics of Islam and of the holy Prophet in their sordid endeavors to malign Muhammad (peace be upon him) close their eyes to all those illuminating facts which prove that his was a life of perfect sublimity and single-minded devotion to Allah, absolutely free from the taint of base desires. It is narrated on the authority of Jabir b. 'Abd Allah that Abu Jahl and some of the chiefs of the Quraysh approached the holy Prophet and said:

" If you are anxious for leadership, we are prepared to declare you our leader, if you need riches, we would collect for you an enormous amount of wealth that will suffice not only for you but even for your descendants; if you are impelled by sexual urge, you may choose ten beautiful damsels out of the whole tribe of Quraysh. The holy Prophet kept silent and did not utter a word. When their talks concluded, the holy Prophet recited the following verse of the Qur'an:

Ha Mim! A revelation from the Beneficent, the Merciful; A Book of which the verses are made plain, an Arabic Qur'an for people who know and the bearer of glad tidings and a warner: Yet most of them turn aside so that they hearken not. [Qur'an 41:4-4]

The holy Prophet recited these verses of the Qur'an and concluded them with the following verse:

Then if they still turn away, say thou: I warn you of calamity of the 'Ad and Thamud. [Qur'an 51: 13]

Even this single event is enough to prove Muhammad's immense love for Allah, his devotion to his sacred mission and the insignificance in his eyes the worldly pleasures. Allurement could not distract him, even for a moment, form the noble cause for which he stood and suffered all kinds of hardships and privations. No opportunity could be more attractive than that this offered by the chiefs of Quraysh for the satisfaction of sensuous pleasures, if he were so inclined."


Appendix B

Excerpt from: "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah

402. It is true that Islam permits polygamy, but on this point Muslim law is more elastic and more in harmony with the requirements of society than the other systems of law which do not permit polygamy in any case. Supposing there is a case in which a woman has young children, and falls chronically ill, becoming incapable of doing the household work. The husband has no means of employing a maid-servant for the purpose, not to speak of the natural requirements of conjugal life. Supposing also that the sick woman gives her consent to her husband to take a second wife, and that a woman is found who agrees to marry the individual in question. Western law would rather permit immorality than a legal marriage to bring happiness to this afflicted home.

403. In fact, Muslim law is nearer to reason. For, it admits polygamy when a woman herself consents to such a kind of life. The law does not impose polygamy, but only permits it in certain cases. We have just remarked that it depends solely on the agreement of the woman. This is true of the first wife as well as the second one in prospect. It goes without saying that the second woman may refuse to marry a man who has already one wife; we have seen that no one can force a woman to enter into a marriage tie without her own consent. If the woman agrees to be a "co-wife" it is not the law which should be considered as cruel and unjust with regard to women and as favouring only men. As to the first wife, the act of polygamy depends on her. For, at the time of her marriage, she may demand the acceptance and insertion, in the document of the nuptial contract, or the clause that her husband would practise monogamy. Such a condition is as valid as any other condition of a legal contract. If a woman does not want to utilize this right of hers, it is not legislation which would oblige her to do that. We have just spoken of exceptional cases; and the law must have possible remedies. Polygamy is not the rule, but an exception; and this exception has multifarious advantages, social as well as other - the details would be burdensome here - and Islamic law need not be shy of this elasticity.

404. In the religious law of antiquity, there is no restriction to the number of wives a man may have. All the Biblical prophets were polygamous. Even in Christianity which has become synonymous with monogamy, Jesus Christ himself never uttered a word against polygamy; on the other hand, there are eminent Christian theologians, like Luther, Malanchthon, Bucer, etc., who would not hesitate to deduce the legality of polygamy from the parable of the virgins spoken of in the Gospel of Matthew (25:1-12) for Jesus Christ envisages there the possibility of the marriage of one man with as many as ten girls simultaneously. If the Christians do not want to profit by the permissions (which the founder of their religion seems to have given them), the law is not changed for all that. This is true of the Muslims also, whose law is moreover the only one in history which expressly limits the maximum permissible number of polygamous wives. (For Christian theory and practice, as well as for general discussion, cf. also Encyclopedia Britannica, under the articles, Marriage, and Polygamy; Westermarck, History of Human Marriage, 3 Vols.)

***

In a delightful report about how Imam Abu Hanifah received his name (his original name was Numan bin Thaabit bin Zuta bin Mah), an account of why the wife is forbidden to take more than one husband is recounted. 'Abu Hanifah' is an unusual name because it means 'the father of Hanifah', and Hanifah was his daughter. It was not the custom in those days to do this. Normally, the name would be 'the father of the name of a son.' How this came about is quite edifying. One day the great Imam Abu Hanifah was asked a question that, for the first time in his illustrious career, he was unable to answer. The question was, "Why were women forbidden to marry more than one husband at a time?" To make a long story short, Abu Hanifah's daughter said that she knew the answer and would solve this question if her father would make a promise to her that if she succeeded in solving this problem, he would then assure her a place in history. Abu Hanifah agreed. So she gathered a group of women together and gave each of them a cup. Then she brought in a large bowl of milk and asked each of them to dip their cups in the milk and to fill their cups. They did so. She then asked them to pour back the milk into the bowl. They did this too. She then asked them to re-fill their cups taking back only their own milk that they had poured into the bowl. This, obviously, was impossible to do. Hanifah had clearly demonstrated the kind of predicament that would be created if a woman had several husbands. With more than one husband, if she were to become pregnant, she would have exceptional difficulties determining who the actual father was. Identifying parentage and lineage would then be insurmountable for the offspring. Imam Abu Hanifah was so pleased with her answer that he took the name 'Abu Hanifah', 'the father of Hanifah', so his daughter did indeed earn a place in history.


Appendix C

This is a grammatically edited excerpt from the chapter 'Adab an-Nikah' from Imam Ghazzali's 'Ihya Ulum-id-din' translated by Fazlul-Karim. Also blended with this translation is an excerpt from 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' and this is a translation of the same chapter by Muhtar Holland.

Benefits of marriage

There are five benefits: (1) to beget children, (2) to control sexual urges, (3) to obtain peace of mind, (4) to increase divine service, and (5) to gain rewards for duties to family. [Item (4) and (5) are not dealt with in this Appendix.]

(1) To beget children. This is the main purpose for marriage. The aim is to engender and preserve the human race. Four objectives are accomplished through procreation: - (i) to increase mankind (ii) Islam is propagated by increasing the number of followers of the Prophet, p.b.u.h. (iii) parents will hope to leave behind children who will pray for them (iv) and if a child dies before the parents, the prayers of the child in Paradise will be very beneficial for the parents.

The first objective is very subtle and not easily comprehended by man. It is a natural truth and the following is its proof. Take for example a landowner who has generously given a servant a large amount of seed and the tools for cultivation, and who has also given this servant land for cultivation. Now if the servant refuses to till this land and instead allows it to remain uncultivated, useless and dormant, and furthermore, if he also carelessly destroys the seeds, it is clear then that this servant will become an object of wrath by the landowner. Similarly God has created man and woman with the wherewithal to produce and raise children. The uterus is the fertile field and both the male and female organs are the tools for cultivation. He also created sexual passion in both the male and female for the bearing of children through the use of these organs. This is proof of God's design. The Prophet has clearly substantiated this when he said "Marry and keep a family". He who does not marry, destroys these seeds and allows these tools to lie useless and dormant and he thereby goes against God's wishes. Infanticide has also been prohibited by God for this reason.

From Muhtar Holland's Translation: [Pages 17 & 18 ]

If the sole motive for marriage were to ward off lust, the plague-stricken Mu'adh would hardly have cried: "Find me a wife, lest I meet Allah as a celibate!" You might perhaps object: "Surely Mu'adh had no expectation of children at that moment, so how do you explain his desire for marriage?" but to this I would reply as follows: The child is produced by sexual intercourse. Intercourse is brought about by the prompting of sexual appetite, which is an involuntary impulse. The only voluntary contribution a man can make is to procure the stimulus to sexual desire, and this can normally be anticipated. One who has contracted a marriage has therefore performed his duty and done what he had to do; the rest is beyond his own volition.

That is why marriage is recommended even for the impotent, for the stirring of desire is hidden and not susceptible to observation. Indeed, the recommendation to marry extends even to the totally castrated person who can never expect children, in much the same way as a bald man is recommended to pass the razor across his pate as others do (on Pilgrimage), following the example of the righteous ancestors. In the same vein, the practices known as ramal and idtiba are still recommended during the Pilgrimage. The original purpose of these was to demonstrate stamina in the face of the unbelievers, the imitation of this display of fortitude became the model conduct for later generations.

Such are the considerations in forming their severe disapproval of abstinence from marriage, even in cases were sexual appetite is enfeebled. [end of Muhtar Holland's translation]

(2) The second benefit of marriage

The second benefit of marriage is to be safe from the machinations of the devil and to satisfy lust and hence protect the private parts. The Prophet said: "If a man marries, half of his religion is saved. Fear God for the remaining half." The Prophet said: "Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, for fasting diminishes his sexual power." The pleasure which lies within sexual intercourse is an example of happiness in the afterlife. There is no benefit derived from a thing in which there is no pleasure.

(3) The third benefit of marriage

Marriage brings peace of mind as love grows between the couple. Peace of mind is necessary for divine service. God says: "It is He Who has created you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her." Hazrat Ali said: "Give peace to the mind because it becomes blind when it becomes disturbed." There is a Hadith which says that there are three special times for a wise man: - he speaks secretly with his Lord at one time, he takes account of his actions at another time, and he occupies himself with food and drink at another time. In another narration, a wise man is not desirous except in three matters: to earn his livelihood for the next world, to earn his livelihood for this world, and to taste the pleasure of lawful things. The Prophet said: "There is effort in every action and there is struggle in every effort. He who adopts struggle goes towards my Sunnah and guidance. The Prophet said: Upon complaint to Gabriel about the lessening of my sexual passion, he advised me to take Harisah. The Prophet said: Three things are dear to me among earthly matters - perfume, woman and prayer, the latter is coolness to my eyes. This comfort is necessary for peace of mind.

From Muhtar Holland's translation: [Pages 20-22 . . . Conclusion]

He who obeys his master out of the desire to please Him is not the same as one who obeys merely in quest of deliverance from the perils of this agency.

Passion and procreation are both divinely ordained, and there is a link between the two. It would be wrong to say that the purpose is pleasure and the child is a necessary by-product (as, for instance, relieving oneself is a necessary consequence of eating, but not an end in itself.) No, the begetting of children is the aim of nature and the divine Wisdom, while sexual appetite is merely an incentive thereto.

By my life, there is in sexual appetite yet another dispensation, apart from the impetus to procreate, namely the joy experienced in satisfying it. If only that delight were lasting, it would be unparalleled by any other joy. It gives a foretaste of the delights we are promised in Paradise, for the prospect of a bliss we had never tasted would fail to impress. The prospect of sexual intercourse would hardly stimulate the impotent, nor would the pleasures of kingship and dominion serve to excite the interest of the very young. One advantage of worldly pleasures is that the hope of enjoying them permanently in Paradise can act as a spur to the worship of Allah.

Consider this Wisdom, this Mercy, this divine Providence! See how two lives derive benefit through this one appetite: an outer life and an inner life. The outer life is the life a man leads through the continuance of his line, which constitutes a kind of survival, while the inner life is the Otherworldly life. The bliss [of sexual satisfaction], deficient because it is so ephemeral, thus stimulates a desire for perfect bliss, for bliss everlasting, and serves as an incentive to the worship which lead to its attainment. Desiring this so ardently, the creature finds it easier to persevere in the course that will bring him to such felicity in Paradise.

Relaxation and recreation for the soul [pg. 27 Muhtar Holland's Translation]

This [third benefit of marriage] is obtained by enjoying the company and sight of one's wife, and by shared amusement, whereby the heart is refreshed and strengthened in worship; for the lower self (nafs) is prone to boredom and inclined to shun duty as something unnatural to it. If constrained to persevere in something repugnant, it jibes and backs away, whereas if revived occasionally by pleasures it acquires new strength and vigor. In familiarity with women, one finds the relaxation to banish cares and to refresh the heart.

The souls of the pious need legitimate recreation, which is why the Exalted One said:

"That he may rest with her." [Qur'an 7:189]

[end of Muhtar Holland's translation]

Sexual etiquette in marriage

At the beginning of sexual intercourse, pronounce the name of God by reciting "Bismillah" and recite the Takbir and Tahlil after Chapter Ikhlas and say 'O God, if Thou takest out semen from my back, make it a good issue.' The Prophet said: 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring." The result is that the devil will not be able to injure a child that is born from this intercourse.

Don't face the Ka'bah at the time of intercourse and cover your body and the body of your wife. The Prophet used to cover his head, close his mouth and say to his wife, 'Take peace.' There is a Hadith which says: When anyone of you comes to his wife, let him not fall suddenly upon her, but let him speak words of love to her and then kiss each other. The Prophet said: Let none of you fall suddenly upon his wife like a lower animal. Let him send the Envoy before cohabitation. Someone asked 'What is the Envoy O Prophet?' He said, 'kisses and words of love.' The Prophet said: In three matters, the weakness of a male is disclosed. Firstly if a lover meets his beloved, and then they separate without enquiring into their mutual condition and health; secondly, rejecting the honour which someone wishes to pay him [i.e., by rejecting a gift which was offered]; thirdly to engage in sexual intercourse with the wife or the female who is legally permitted, without talking to her or kissing her or by being unable to restrain the ejaculation of semen before that of his wife.

It is not commendable to cohabit with the wife on the first, middle and last days of the lunar month. It is commendable to cohabit on a Friday evening. After ejaculation, the husband should let his body lay some time upon his wife until she climaxes, as she is slower to climax. It is painful for her to be separated from her husband once her sexual passion has been aroused.

A young husband should enjoy sexual intercourse with his wife once every four days. To preserve the character of the wife, this may be increased or decreased. Sexual intercourse with the wife at the time of her menstruation is unlawful. However, it is lawful to enjoy her without sexual intercourse e.g. enjoy the region beneath the petticoat, or if there be such a need, even use the wife's hand for his ejaculation and stop short of actual copulation [in Arabic terminology, this is known as jima' bil yad, which means 'intercourse by hand.'] God says: "Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when and how you will." A man may keep company with his wife during her menstrual period for eating, resting/sleeping [without copulation] or other purposes. He is not obliged to avoid her.

Appendix D

An excerpt from "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah

108. Speaking of a strictly temporal act, such as a tax or a war, one pays taxes to the government. It should not be astonishing that Islam considers this act as one of the five basic elements of Faith, as important as belief, worship, fasting and pilgrimage! The significance is deep: One unites the spiritual and the temporal in a single whole, and one pays the tax not as a corvee or even as a social duty, but solely for the sake of God. When this duty of paying taxes becomes fixed in the mind as something sacred, a duty unto God from Whom nothing can be concealed and Who is, moreover, capable of resuscitating us and demanding our account, one can easily understand with what care and scruple a believer will pay his dues in the performance of this obligation. Similarly, ware is forbidden in Islam except in the way of God; and it is not difficult to understand that such a soldier is more apt to be humane and will not seek any earthly gain in the course of risking his life. By spiritualizing the temporal duties, Islam has had no other motives but strengthening the spiritual side of man, who in, this manner, far from seeking the material advantage of the material thing, aspires thereby to obtain only the pleasure of God. The Prophet has said: Ostentation is a sort of polytheism (shirk); and the reason as explained by Al-Ghazzali, is the following: if somebody worships or fasts for ostentation, it is shirk (polytheism), a worship of one's self, not of God Almighty; on the contrary, if one even cohabits with one's own wife - not for the carnal pleasure, but for performing the duty imposed by God, then that is an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure of and reward from God, as the Prophet has observed (cf. Ibn Hanbal, V, 154, 167, 187, etc.)

Sex Education

Sex Education, Teenage Pregnancy, Sex in Islam and Marriage

By Shahid Athar

"Say: Are they equal those who know, and those who do not know?" (The Holy Quran, 39:9)

"Blessed are the women of the Helpers. Their modesty did not stand in the way of their seeking knowledge about their religion" (Bukhari and Muslim)

"If you tell kids about sex, they'll do it. If you tell them about VD, they'll go out and get it. Incredible as may seem, most oppositions to sex education in this country are based on the assumption that knowledge is harmful. But research in this area reveals that ignorance and unresolved curiosity, not knowledge, are harmful. Our failure to tell children what they want and need to know is one reason we have the highest rates of out-of-wedlock teens pregnancy and abortion of any highly developed country in the world." - from What Kids Need to Know, Psychology Today, October 1986, by Dr. Sol Gordon, Professor Emeritus, Syracuse University, and an expert on sex education.

INTRODUCTION

Although the Quran has placed so much emphasis on acquiring knowledge, and in the days of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) Muslim men and women were never too shy to ask him questions including those related to private affairs such as sexual life, for Muslim parents of today, sex is a dirty word. They feel uncomfortable in discussing sex education with their children, but do not mind the same being taught at their children's school by secular or non-Muslim teachers (of even the opposite sex), by their peers of either sex, and by the media and television. An average child is exposed to 9000 sexual scenes per year.

These parents should know that sex is not always a dirty word. It is an important aspect of our life. God Who cares for all the aspects of our life, and not just the way of worshipping Him, discusses reproduction, creation, family life, menstruation and even ejaculation in the Quran. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), who was sent to us as an example, discussed many aspects of sexual life including sexual positions with his Companions.

The main reason Muslim parents do not or cannot discuss sex education with their children is because of the their cultural upbringing, not their religious training. They are often brought up in a state of ignorance in regard to sex issues. As a result, they may not be comfortable with their own sexuality or its expression. They leave Islamic education to Islamic Sunday schools and sex education to American public schools and the media.

WHAT IS SEX EDUCATION AND WHO SHOULD GIVE IT?

Is sex education about knowing the anatomy and physiology of the human body or about the act of sex or about reproduction and family life or about prevention of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy? Is giving sex ed equivalent to permission in engaging in sex? One sex educator at my son's school told the parents, "I am not planning to tell your children whether or not they should engage in sex or how to do it but in case they decide to do it, they should know how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STD), venereal diseases (VD), acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) and pregnancy."

The problem with this is that at the present time sex ed as taught in the public schools is incomplete. It does not cover morality associated with sex, sexual dysfunctions and deviations and the institution of marriage.

One of the basic questions is, "Do children need sex education?" Do you teach a baby duck how to swim or just put it in the water and let it swim? After all, for thousands of years men and women have been having sex without any formal education. In many traditional civilizations, sex education starts after marriage and with trial and error. Some couples learn it faster than others and do it better than others due to difference in sexual perception and expression of one partner. In my opinion having a dozen children is not necessarily proof of their love. An appropriate and healthy sex education is crucial to the fulfillment of a happy marriage.

With regard to the question who should teach sex ed, I believe everyone has to play his or her role. Parents have to assume a more responsible role. A father has a duty to be able to answer his son's questions and a mother has the same duty to her daughter. We can hardly influence the sex ed taught in public schools or by the media, but we can supplement that with an ethical and moral dimension adding family love and responsibility. Apart from these players, some role can be played by Sunday school teachers, the family physician, the pediatrician and the clergy. Within a family, the older sister has a duty towards the younger one and the elder brother has a duty towards younger ones.

SEX EDUCATION IN AMERICAN SCHOOLS

Sex education is given in every American school, public or private, from grades 2 to 12. The projected 1990 cost to the nation was $2 billion per year. Teachers are told to give technical aspects of sex ed without telling the students about moral values or how to make the right decisions. After describing the male and female anatomy and reproduction, the main emphasis is on the prevention of venereal diseases and teenage pregnancy. With the rise of AIDS, the focus is on 'Safe Sex' which means having condoms available each time you decide to have sex with someone you don't know. With the help of our tax dollars, about 76 schools in the country have started dispensing free condoms and contraceptives to those who go to school health clinics. Very soon there will be vending machines in school hallways where 'children' can get a condom each time they feel like having sex.

The role of parents is minimized by American sex educators and sometimes ridiculed. In one of the sex ed movies I was made to watch a film called, "Am I Normal?" as a parent at my son's school. Whenever the young boy asks his father a question about sex, the father, shown as a bum and a slob, shuns him and changes the topic. Finally the boy learns it from a stranger and then is shown going into a movie theater with his girlfriend.

Sex education as promoted by some Western educators is devoid of morality is in many ways unacceptable to our value system. The examples of the teachings of one such educator are:

a. Nudity in homes (in shower or bedroom) is a good and healthy way to introduce sexuality to smaller (under 5) children, giving them an opportunity to ask questions. At the same time, in the same book, he also states that 75% of all child molestation and incest (500,000 per year) occur by a close relative (parent, step-parent or another family member).

b. A child's playing with genitals of another child is a permissible 'naive exploration' and not a reason for scolding or punishment. He is also aware that boys as young as 12 have raped girls as young as 8. We don't know when this 'naive exploration' becomes a sex act.

c. Children caught reading dirty magazines should not be made to feel guilty, but parents should use it as a chance to get some useful points across to him or her about sexual attitudes, values and sex exploitation, Like charity, pornography should start at home!

d. If your daughter or son is already sexually active, instead of telling them to stop, the parent's moral duty is to protect their health and career by providing them information and means for contraception and avoiding VD. Maybe this its true for rebellious teens and their submissive parents!

Educators like the one referred to above do not believe that giving sexual information means giving the OK for sex. I just wonder as to why some folks after being told the shape, color, smell and taste of a new fruit, and pleasures derived from eating it, would not like to try it? These educators say that even if your child does not ask any questions about sex, parents should initiate the discussion using i.e. a neighbors pregnancy, a pet's behavior, advertisement, popular music or a TV show. I wonder why these educators are obsessed with loading children with sexual information whether they want it or not.

THE MORE THEY KNOW IT - THE MORE THEY DO IT

Sex education in American schools has not helped decrease the teenager incidence of VD or teenage pregnancy. This is because it has not changed their sex habits. According to Marion Wright Elderman, President of the Children' Defense Fund, in a recent report, out of every twenty teens, ten are sexually active but only four use conceptions, two get pregnant and one gives birth. In 1982, a John Hopkins study found one out of every five 15 year olds, and one in three 16 year olds are sexually active. The incidence increased to 43% in 17 year olds. The Louis Harris poll in 1986 found that 57% of the nations 17 year olds, 46% of 16 year olds, 29% 15 year old were sexually active. Now it is estimated that about 80% of girls entering college had sexual intercourse at least once. Going to church does not help either. 1438 teenagers, mostly white, attending conservative evangelical church were sent questions about their sex life. 26% of 16 year olds, 35% of 17 year olds, and 43% of 18 year olds said they had sexual intercourse at least once. 33% that responded also said sex outside of marriage was morally acceptable.

HAZARDS OF EARLY SEX

The health hazards of early sex includes sexual trauma, increase in incidence of cervical cancer, sexually transmitted disease and teenage pregnancy. We will take up each individually. A variety of injuries are possible and do happen when sex organs are not ready for sex in terms of full maturation. Some of these injuries have a long lasting effect. Cervical cancer has been thought to be related to sex at an early age and with multiple partners. Dr. Nelson and his associates in their article on epidemiology of cervical cancer call it a sexually transmitted disease.

TEENAGE PREGNANCY

About one million or more teenage girls become pregnant every year, at a rate of 3000 per day, 80% of whom are unmarried. Out of this I million, about 500,000, decide to keep their baby, and 450,000 are aborted (or ? murdered). 100,000 decide to deliver and give the baby up for adoption. In 1950 the incidence of birth from unmarried teenagers was only 13.9%, but in 1985 it increased to 59%. It is a myth that teenage pregnancy is a problem of the black and poor. To the contrary 2/3 teens getting pregnant now are white, suburban and above the poverty income level. The pregnancy rate (without marriage) in 54,000 enlisted Navy women is 40% as compared to 17% in the general population.

What is the life of those who have teenage pregnancy? Only 50% complete high school and more than 50% of them are on welfare. They themselves become child abusers and their children, when grown up, have 82% incidence of teenage pregnancy. 8.6 billion dollars are spent every year for the financial and health care support of teenage mothers., The sexual revolution of the 60's has affected another dimension of health care. In 1985 alone, 10 million cases of chlamydia, 2 million cases of gonorrhea, I million venereal warts, 0.5 million genital herpes and 90,000 syphilis were diagnosed. The plague of AIDS is adding a new twist to our fears. 200,000 cases have been diagnosed in the US alone, out of which 50% have already died. The disease is growing at a rate of one case every 14 minutes and so far there is no effective treatment. Father Bruce Ritter in New York, who operates shelters for runaway children, says the biggest threat to the nation's 1 million runaways is the threat of AIDS now.

WHY DO CHILDREN GET INVOLVED IN SEX?

There are many reasons why children get involved in sex. The most common is peer pressure. Their common response is "since everybody is doing it." One of the reasons is their desire for sexual competence with adults and a way to get ahead. Another common reason is their lack of self-esteem which they want to improve by becoming a father or mother. Sometimes it is due to a lack of other alternatives to divert their sexual energies. It could also be due to a lack of love and appreciation at home. Detachment from home can lead to attachment elsewhere. Sexual pressure on them is everywhere, at school from their peers, from the TV where about 20,000 sexual scenes are broadcasted in advertisement, soap operas, prime time shows and MTV. The hard core rock music nowadays fans the flames of sexual desires. Most parents do not know what kind of music their children are hearing. If they care and listen to rock songs like Eat Me Alive (Judas Priest), Purple Rain (Prince), Losing It (Madonna), The Last American Virgin, Papa Don't Preach, Private Dancer (Tina Turner), Material Girl (Madonna) and Cyndi Lauper's songs, they will know what they are talking about. The songs have pornographic words and sentences which made Kandy Stroud, a former rock fan, begged parents to stop their children from listening to what she calls 'Pornographic Rock'. This shows music does affect our sexual mood. It does so by activating melatonin, the hormone from the pineal gland in the brain which is turned on by darkness and turned off by flashing lights. It is the same gland which has been thought to trigger puberty and affects the reproductive cycle and sex mood.

WHAT IS THE TRUE ROLE OF PARENTS?

American educators are putting the blame for their failures (i.e. teenage pregnancy) on the parents. In fact in Wisconsin and many other states the grandparents of a baby born to a teenager are responsible for the financial support of the child. Remember parents are not needed if their teenage daughter needs contraceptives or abortion. Faced with such hypocrisy, the parents job is to instill in their teenagers mind what is not taught in sex ed classes, i.e. reason not to engage in sex, reason not to get pregnant, etc. At the same time, they should divert their energies to some productive activities like community work, sports, character growth, or Sunday schools. Another role of parents is to help their children make the right decisions.

In Islam anything which leads to wrong is also considered wrong. Therefore parents should control the music children are listening to or the TV program they are watching, the magazines they are reading, and the clothes (which may provoke desire in the opposite sex) they are wearing. While group social activity should be permitted with supervision, dating should not be allowed. When American teenagers start dating, sex is on their mind.

In fact during a recent survey, 25% of college freshman boys responded by saying that if they have paid for the food and the girl does not go all the way, they have a right to force her to have sex. Many of the rapes occur at the end of the date and are not reported. Anything which breaks down sexual inhibition and loss of self-control i.e. alcohol, drugs, parking, petting or just being together for two members of the opposite sex in a secluded place should not be allowed for Muslim teenagers. Kissing and petting is preparing the body for sex. The body can be brought to a point of no return.

In summary Muslim parents should teach their children that they are different from non-Muslims in their value system and way of life. Having a feeling and love in your heart for someone of the opposite sex is different and beyond control, while expression of the same through sex is entirely different and should be under control. Muslim children should be told that they don't drink alcohol, eat pork, take drugs, and they don't have to engage in pre-marital sex either.

ISLAMIC CONCEPT OF SEXUALITY

Islam recognizes the power of sexual need, but the subject is discussed in the Quran and the saying of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in a serious manner, in regard to marital and family life. Parents should familiarize themselves with this body of knowledge.

SAYINGS OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD

1. "When one of you have sex with your wife, it is a rewarded act of charity." The Companions were surprised and said, "But we do it purely out of our desire. How can it be counted as charity?" The Prophet replied, "If you had done it with a forbidden woman, it would have been counted as a sin, but if you do it in legitimacy, it is counted as charity."

2. "Let not one of you fall upon his wife like a beast falls. It is more appropriate to send a message before the act."

3. "Do not divulge the secrets of your sex life with your wife to another person nor describe her physical feature to anyone."

CONCEPT OF ADULTERY IN ISLAM

God says in the Quran, "Do not go near to adultery. Surely it is a shameful deed and evil, opening roads (to other evils)" (17:32). "Say, 'Verily, my Lord has prohibited the shameful deeds, be it open or secret, sins and trespasses against the truth and reason"' (7:33). "Women impure are for men impure, and men impure are for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity" (24:26). Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), has said in many place that adultery is one of the three major sins. However the most interesting story is that of a young man who went to the Prophet and asked for permission to fornicate because he could not control himself. The Prophet dealt with him with reasoning and asked him if he would approve of someone else having illegal sex with his mother, sister, daughter or wife. Each time the man said 'no'. Then the Prophet replied that the woman with whom you plan to have sex is also somebody's mother, sister, daughter or wife. The man understood and repented. The Prophet prayed for his forgiveness.

Adultery is a crime not against one person but against the whole of society. It is a violation of marital contract. 50% of all first time marriages in this country result in divorce in two years and the main reason for divorce is the adultery of one of the partners. Adultery, which includes both pre-marital and extra marital sex, is an epidemic in this society. Nobody seems to listen to the Bible which says frequently, "Thou shall not commit adultery." The Quranic approach is, "Do not approach adultery."

What does it mean that not only is illegal sex prohibited, but anything which leads to illegal sex is also illegal? These things include dating, free mixing of the sexes, provocative dress, nudity, obscenity and pornography. The dress code both for men and women is to protect them from temptation and desires by on lookers who may lose self-control and fall into sin. "Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that will make for greater purity, and God is well acquainted with all they do. And say to the believing woman that they should lower their gaze, and guard their modesty" (24:30-3 1).

CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM

Islam recognizes the strong sexual urge and desire for reproduction. Thus Islam encourages marriage as a legal sexual means and as a shield from immorality (sex without commitment). In Islam the marriage of a man and woman is not just a financial and legal living arrangement, not even just for reproduction, but providing a total commitment to each other, a contract witnessed by God. Love and joy of companionship is a part of the commitment. A married couple assumes a new social status and responsibility for himself, his wife and his children and for the community. The Quran says, "Among His signs is that He created consorts for you from among yourself, so that you may find tranquillity with them, and (He) set love and compassion between you. Verily in this are signs for people who reflect" (30:21).

SAYINGS OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD

"Marriage is my tradition. He who rejects my tradition is not of me" (Bukhari, Muslim).
"Marriage is half of religion. The other half is being Godfearing" (Tabarani, Hakim).
In Islam there is no fixed rule as to the age of marriage. It is becoming fashionable for young Muslim men not to marry until they have completed their education, have a job, or reached age 26-30 or more. Similarly young Muslim girls say they want to marry after age 24. Why? When asked, they say, "I am not ready for it." Not ready for what? Don't they have normal sexual desire? If the answer is yes, then they have only one of the two choices a) marry or b) postpone sex (abstinence until they marry). The Quran says, "Let those who find not the where withal for marriage, to keep them selves chaste till God find them the means from His Grace" (24:33).

The Prophet said, "Those of you who own the means should marry, otherwise should keep fasting for it curbs desires" (Ibn Massoud). The Western reason for delaying marriage is different than ours. When I suggested this to one of my sexually active young female patients, she bluntly said, "I don't want to sleep with the same guy every night."

ROLE OF MUSLIM PARENTS AND MUSLIM ORGANIZATIONS

I am not proposing that all Muslim youth be married at age 16. But I must say that youth should accept the biological instinct and make decisions which will help to develop a more satisfied life devoted to having a career rather than spending time in chasing (or dreaming about) the opposite sex. Parents should help their sons and daughters in selection of their mate using Islamic practice as a criteria and not race, color or wealth. They should encourage them to know each other in a supervised setting. The community organization has several roles to play.

a) To provide a platform for boys and girls to see and know each other without any intimacy.

b) Offer premarital educational courses to boys and girls over 18 separately to prepare them for the role of father and husband and of mother and wife. The father has a special role, mentioned by Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), "One who is given by God, a child, he should give it a beautiful name, should give him or her education, and training and when he or she attains puberty, he should see to it that he or she is married. If the father does not arrange their marriage after puberty, and the boy or girl is involved in sin, the responsibility of that sin will lie with the father."

MARRIAGE OF MUSLIM GIRLS IN THE USA

Marriage of Muslim girls in this country is becoming a problem. I was not surprised to read the letter of a Muslim father in a national magazine. He complained that in spite of his doing his best in teaching Islam to his children, his college-going daughter announced that she is going to marry a non-Muslim boy whom she met in college.

As a social scientist I am more interested in the analysis of the events. To be more specific, why would a Muslim girl prefer a non-Muslim boy over a Muslim? The following reasons come to mind:

- She is opposed to and scared of arranged marriages. She should be told that not all arranged marriages are bad ones and that 50% of all love marriages end up in a divorce in this country. Arranged marriages can be successful if approved by both the boy and girl. That is, they need to be a party to the arrangement. I am myself opposed to the blind arranged marriage.

- Muslim boys are not available to her to make a choice. While parents have no objection or cannot do anything about non-Muslim boys with whom she talks or socializes at school or college for forty hours a week, she is not allowed to talk to a Muslim boy in the mosque or in a social gathering. If she does, they frown at her or even accuse her of having a loss character. As a Muslim boy put it, "If I grow up knowing only non-Muslim girls, why do my parents expect me to marry a Muslim one?"

- Some Muslim boys do not care for Muslim girls. On the pretext of missionary work after marriage, they get involved with non-Muslim girls because of their easy availability. Muslim parents who also live with an inferiority complex do not mind their son marrying an American girl of European background but they would object if he marries a Muslim girl of a different school of Islamic thought (Shiah/Sunni) or different tribe like Punjabi, Sunni, Pathan, Arab vs. non-Arab, Afro-American vs. immigrant, or different class, Syed vs. non-Syed. Both the parents and the body should be reminded that the criteria for choosing a spouse that was given by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was not wealth nor color but Islamic piety.

- She may have been told that early marriage, that is, age 18 or less, is taboo and that she should wait until the age of 23 or 25. According to statistics, 80% of American girls, while waiting to get settled in life and married, engage freely in sex with multiple boyfriends. However, this option is not available to Muslim girls. Every year nearly one million teenage girls in this country who think that they are not ready for marriage, get pregnant. By the age of 24 when a Muslim girl decides that she is ready for marriage, it may be too large for her. If she reviews the matrimonial ad section in Islamic magazines, she will quickly notice that the boys of the age group of 25 to 30 are looking for girls from 18 to 20 year age group. They may wrongfully assume that an older girl may not be a virgin.

- She may also carry a wrong notion not proven scientifically that marrying healthy cousins may cause congenital deformities in her offspring.

Thus, unless these issues are addressed, many Muslim girls in the US may end up marrying a non-Muslim or remain unmarried.

CURRICULUM FOR ISLAMIC SEX EDUCATION

Islamic sex ed should be taught at home starting at an early age. Before giving education about anatomy and physiology, the belief in the Creator should be well established. As Dostoevsky put it, "Without God, everything is possible," meaning that the lack of belief or awareness of God gives an OK for wrongdoing.

A father should teach his son and a mother should teach her daughter. In the absence of a willing parent, the next best choice should be a Muslim male teacher (preferably a physician) for boys and a Muslim female teacher (preferably a physician) for a girl at the Islamic Sunday school.

The curriculum should be tailored according to age of the child and classes be held separately. Only pertinent answers to a question should be given. By this I mean that if a five year old asks how he or she got into mommie's stomach, there is no need to describe the whole act of intercourse. Similarly it is not necessary to tell a fourteen year old how to put on condoms. This might be taught in premarital class just before his or her marriage. A curriculum for sex ed should Include:

a. Sexual growth and development
* Time table for puberty
* Physical changes during puberty
* Need for family life

b. Physiology of reproductive system
* For girls- the organ, menstruation, premenstrual syndrome
* For boys- the organ, the sex drive

c. Conception, development of fetus and birth

d. Sexually transmitted disease (VD/AIDS) (emphasize the Islamic aspect)

e. Mental, emotional and social aspects of puberty

f Social, moral and religious ethics

g. How to avoid peer pressure

SEX EDUCATION AFTER MARRIAGE

This essay is not intended to be a sex manual for married couples, although I may write such someday. I just wanted to remind the reader of a short verse in the Quran and then elaborate. The verse is, "They are your garments, and you are their garments" (2:187).

Husbands and wives are described as garments for each other. A garment is very close to our body, so they should be close to each other. A garment protects and shields our modesty, so they should do the same to each other. Garments are put on anytime we like, so should they be available to each other anytime. A garment adds to our beauty, so they should praise and beautify each other.

For husbands I should say that sex is an expression of love and one without the other is incomplete. One of your jobs is to educate your wife in matters of sex especially in your likes and dislikes and do not compare her to other women.

For wives I want to say that a man's sexual needs are different than a women's. Instead of being a passive recipient of sex, try to be an active partner. He is exposed to many temptations outside the home. Be available to please him and do not give him a reason to make a choice between you and hellfire.